Vision during worship

This was a vision God gave me one night during worship at a time when I was struggling to accept His unconditional love.  Hope it encourages you and gives you a deeper comprehension of the love that He offers all of us:

I was at the scene of the cross on Golgotha...only it was me going to be crucified.  It was overcast and dreary.  There was a bloodthirsty crowd gathered around, shamelessly judging while putting a mask over their own sins.  I deserved to be there and I knew it.  I was heavy laden with guilt and sorrow, drowning with wave after wave of self-loathing while seemingly contradicting these emotions as I felt pity for myself. 

I was there by my own undoing; I had broken every moral and written law there was.  I was a murderer of my own unborn child.  I never cared who I hurt as long as I could keep getting high.  I gave my body away time and time again.  I murdered, committed adultery, stole, coveted, bore false witness, compulsively lied and manipulated, dishonored my parents, while I hated and blamed God for all of my problems. 

As I got ready to be nailed to the rough-hewn tree covered in others' blood, I heard a gut-wrenching, painful scream, "STOP!  WAIT!"

Jesus burst through the crowd: dirty, disheveled, eyes red and pouring tears, panic-stricken face.  "No!  Not her!  Take me!  It was me that did these things!"  His voice faltered toward the end as He considered the possibility of my impending death. 

The guards shoved me to the ground and converged on Him, blood-lust in their eyes.  As they pulled Him away, beating Him and pulling the hair out of His beard, spitting in His face, I was consumed by guilt.  I grabbed onto His already blood soaked garment, to stop this innocent man from taking the punishment that I so richly deserved.  But then....then I caught His eyes.  He fully beheld me with His pale, blue irises, speaking epic novels of love with one glance.  One look and the passion overtook me.  My strength faded and I let go.  Peace flooded my soul. 

Why, though?  I deserved it!  Part of me even longed for it, to have the pain inflicted on my physical body that matched my wretched soul.  Why did He love me that much when I didn't even know how to love myself?  My past was marked with abuse and neglect, but I always had free will and a way out, yet I chose "wrong answer" every time. 

Jesus paid my price.  As I gazed up at Him hanging on that rugged tree, gasping for each breath, His precious royal blood flowed freely down His body and poured onto the top of my head, anointing me with forgiveness and grace, then consumed every inch of my body, instilling Himself into my very DNA. 

I became a totally new creature: perfect, holy, beautiful.  Forgiven.  God's own child.  Given the keys to the kingdom and qualified to enter eternal glory.

Passionate Hunger

Love, love the verse in Isaiah 42:14.  It really paints a picture of how much Jesus loves us!  "I have held my peace a long time, I have been still and restrained myself.  Now I will cry like a woman in labor, I will pant and gasp at once." 
This is talking about when He comes back for us.  Now if you've ever been in labor, you know that is serious passion!  He is coming back to avenge us and rescue us!  And if you know Him already, He has already rescued you from hell and sin and made you perfect in His sight.  If you allow Him to, He will give you perfect peace and joy and hope no matter what might be going on in your life.  It comes at a cost: to lose everything in this life you think might be important, although the more you give Him, the more He fills you with Himself and you wonder why you ever held onto your meager attempts to control your life. 
The more I get to know Him, the more I realize I don't know, and He is infinitely more amazing that my mind can grasp. 
I hate religion.  But His presence?...His presence I love.  Just one taste of the manifest presence of God will forever change your life.  Knowing Him shows me who I am...who I was created to be...how to love.  Those who have been forgiven much love much.  By 22, I was dead inside.  Hopeless. Lost.  At Death's door.  But when I was still a sinner, he freely reached out to me and wrapped me in His arms, took off my rags, and gave me His robes.  He called me His child and told me I was perfect.  And all I had to do was say yes.  I have never regretted that decision.  Through many, many mistakes and doubts, fears, triumphs....I have never been able to deny Him.  And the more I know, the more hooked and consumed I become to be closer.  It's a hard life, but somebody has to live it!  Good thing about Jesus...it's for everybody who says yes. 
Truly blessed!